We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
