i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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