The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
