You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
