If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
