wat bout pragnant strippers??
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
