I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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