Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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