you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
