Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
