tonight lets celebrate not being married
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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