i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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