Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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