he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
