idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
