Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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