im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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