Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
