the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
