thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
