Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
