dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
