Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
