How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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