Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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