Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Couch. On fire.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
