The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
