I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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