Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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