I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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