He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
