Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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