I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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