i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
