Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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