no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
