May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
