I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
