i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
