Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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