You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The beer is more important than you right now.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
