After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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