I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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