I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
