They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
