dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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