Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He felt like a one man threesome
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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