she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
