I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
