my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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