how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
