My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
