Welp...herpes.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
