yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
